That boy ain’t right …

In the beginning was the word, and Webster’s saw that it was good. Oxford, Cambridge and American Heritage concurred.
Illustration by the great John Deering. If you see the “derp” in the window, that’s what John and I say to each other just about every day.

No column today, but that doesn’t mean I’m not opinionated, what with all the fake news, the constant backtracking by the Trump administration, and Donnie Jr. perhaps sealing his fate, it’d be pretty much impossible for me to keep this in for another week. Plus, my buddy John drew my “church” from last week, so I’m having too much fun right now.

Fox & Friends had to tweet a correction after a tweet (retweeted, commented on and misinterpretedĀ ad nauseam by the president) in which they mischaracterized a story from The Hill about the Comey memos. So they had to issue a correction, but it doesn’t mean they’re fake … CNN, on the other hand, totally fake. šŸ˜‰

Reporters are scary!!!
Image found on Pinterest.

I was already feeling sorry for the White House spokespeople who have been reduced (when they actually hold briefings) to saying something along the lines of, “I dunno, I’ll have to ask.” Now I’m even feeling sorry for Rex Tillerson, whose statements keep getting undercut by his boss (“Hey, Putin said this.” “Nope, he said this, and he said I have pretty eyes.”) Ā That would make me rue the day I ever agreed to work for an infant, one who can’t believe that everyone in the G-20 liked the other guy (well, I guess except for Putin and Erdogan). Maybe having your daughter sit in for you, wandering around looking lost, and tweeting about John Podesta for no good reason might have something to do with that. Dude, why were you tweeting so much … you’re supposed to be engaged in diplomacy, not tweetstorms!

Either one.
Screenshot from Rob Szczerba’s Twitter page.

And Junior … while your dad may praise you for publishing those emails (what is it about emails???) about your meeting with the Russian lawyer, others are pointing out that they show clear intent on your part to work with the Russians to help your dad’s campaign. Considering that you apparently just published the email chain on Twitter to try to beat the New York Times to the punch, it’s not likely a lot of people will be willing to cut you some slack (maybe not even your dad, as the White House reportedly is in full crisis mode now … Dad finally commented Tuesday night … to plug Hannity). They probably shouldn’t give you even an inch.

Poor babies. Someone should get some aloe for those burns they’ll be suffering.

Yeah, I know, clumsy transition, but I’m tired, people! But some of the Trumpster’s targets weren’t too tired to fight back. John Podesta and Chelsea Clinton, I salute you!

I’ve never been much of a fan of Podesta, but the last comment alone is enough to earn my praise.
Screenshot from John Podesta’s Twitter page.

They really weren’t, Donnie.
Screenshot from Amanda Guinzburg’s Twitter page.

But given the choice between the two, I’d pick the Ph.D.
Screenshot from Chelsea Clinton’s Twitter page.

Can you imagine George Clinton as president? Bootsy would be so proud.
Screenshot from Rosie O’Donnell’s Twitter page.

It has pictures of planes and trains in it … crashing, of course.
Screenshot from MU-Peter Shimon’s Twitter page.

Word nerds have no pity and can’t resist making a snarky joke like this.
Screenshot from J. Rollins’ Twitter page.

Son, sorry, but you just don’t matter enough for us to tell you these things.
Screenshot from E. Marvin Johnson’s Twitter page.

Land shark … uh … candy gram.
Screenshot from Charles P. Pierce’s Twitter page.

Yea! Something a lot of people can agree on!
Screenshot from Paul Armstrong’s Twitter page.

That car was apparently covered with a cloak of invisibility.
Screenshot from Aelin’s Twitter page.

And yet he still does …
Screenshot from Andrea Kuszewski’s Twitter page.

And two scoops of botulism!
Screenshot from Dana Smith’s Twitter page,

Adventures in consuming things you shouldn’t.
Screenshot from Jen Skelly’s Twitter page.

Screenshot from John Stoll’s Twitter page.

Still won’t get most people to eat them.
Screenshot from Agent Eckswhy’s Twitter page.

Pretty sure he has no idea what it means.
Screenshot from Jen Skelly’s Twitter page.

You’re just jelly of me …
Screenshot from Thelonious08’s Twitter page.

Screenshot from Dani Bostick’s Twitter page.

No, we’d like to talk about real issues, thankyouverymuch.
Screenshot from Impeach tRump’s Twitter page.

It was a successful shunning!
Screenshot from Steve Schipman’s Twitter page.

Relax, scientists! The Weather Channel and Idiot have this handled!
Screenshot from Climate Explainer’s Twitter page.

I feel safer already.
Screenshot from Allie Quinn’s Twitter page.

Yes, completely impregnable security.
Screenshot from Washington Post.

Darn, and after we had a tweet containing “trilateral.”
Screenshot from David Raab’s Twitter page.

I think a lot of middle school girls would disagree.
Screenshot from Jeannie Saxton’s Twitter page.

Boy, people sure talk a lot about Podesta.
Screenshot from Andrea Kline’s Twitter page.

He was too busy trying to distract people.
Screenshot from Elizabeth P’s Twitter page.

Buttery males is now my favorite phrase this week.
Screenshot from Trump’s Twitter page.

I know insults always make me more willing to pitch in!
Screenshot from Evan Dashevsky’s Twitter page.

Which bus was that? Does it go downtown? (Yes, I know his tweet’s about dead Marines, but to be fair, he tweeted about Fox & Friends and another whine first.)
Screenshot from Lauren Santo Domingo’s Twitter page.

Yep, sure is.
Screenshot from Dani Bostick’s Twitter page.

No words needed (but snorts implied).
Screenshot from Alt Dept. of Labor’s Twitter page.